Household Zombie threats

Zombies are more than annoying; they can pose serious risks to your health and property. Jim Rage's Elite Zombie Hunting Squad's extensive training and advanced technology focus on attacking any zombies already in your home and breaking the zombie deathcycle to help control unwanted invaders in the future.

DO THESE PESTS LOOK FAMILIAR? (click to learn more)

COMMON CAUSES

• Burial Ground Zoning

  Before buying or renting a new home always learn it's history.

• Improper use/storage of chemicals

  Remember to install child locks on everything and to never touch anything.

• Incorrect religous artifact operation

  Before handling a cross, pentagram , scimitar blessed by eight armed deity, etc, read the owner's manual.

• Nazis

  Always when and where you least expect them.

• Illnesses

  Airborne or otherwise, a little bacterial, parasitical, or viral infection can cause big problems. Wash your hands!

• Proximity to Radiation

  If you work/live near radioactive substances it's best to have frequent visits to your doctor so you can know whether or not you should be killed.

• Mosquitoes , fleas, and ticks

  The threat of mosquito-borne diseases could affect your family and pets. Fleas feed on human blood through small bites in the skin. They can jump from your carpet up to your ankles and calves, and a female flea can produce up to 800 eggs during her lifetime. Ticks carry many serious diseases, including Lyme disease, encephalitis and super death war zombitus type II. They can live for over 500 days without a meal.

• Improperly regulated portal to another dimension

  It's the law to have a portal zoning permit affixed to the front of your property before installing a gateway to another dimension. Frequent inspections are also important to portal safety.

• Witches, lepricons, hun duns, giants, wizards, and gypsies

  Be careful whose gold you steal, or whose candy house you eat, or whose feelings you hurt. They might be magic and they may want you or your family to suffer.

• Hypnotism overdose

  Marco the magician may make you laugh when he makes people quack like a duck, but you won't be laughing when he makes them kill!

• Unchecked bite

  If you were bitten recently by a strange rotting man on the street, it's best to get it checked out. You may have caught a bad case of zombitus.

• Illegal Extraterrestrial Robberies

  If aliens are stealing bodies, living or dead, from your area call the local game warden immediately . Body snatching has a very brief season and is restricted on private property.

• Junk Mail

  That get slim fast email may be just a simple annoyance to you, but open it and your computer could learn to hate you. Computer manufactured nanites could turn you into the perfect cybernetic killing machine.

• PARTY!

  PARTY!!!!!!!! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARRRRRRRRRRRTAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! PARTY!

• Other

  Depending on where you live, undead creatures such as Paguks, Vampires, and Ahkiyinni could be a seasonal annoyance.