Brainwashing was once a fine art of the arcane talents. A master hypnotist was, once upon a time, a force to be reckoned with and often the plight of the common man. Montenegro used to be a hypno state ruled by the infamous Petrovi-Njego family for generations before the advent of gunpowder. The old ways, however, became unfashionable by the time of World War One.
For classical forms of hypnotism to truly work victims had to be “readjusted” one at a time by the original hypnotist. Although there are some rare cases where a particularly good hypnotist could hypnotize a victim to hypnotize others. This tactic is known as “Somnambulism Shock Induction”. But video killed the somnambulism shock induction star.
The invention of radio ushered in a new generation of brainwashers who were then immediately supplanted by television counterparts. Subliminal messaging, subtle suggestion, neat card tricks, and other such subversive tactics won over the public like gangbusters. The rise of the internet has set the bar even higher for bolder and more invasive forms of mind control.
A brainwashed victim’s traits can vary severely from case to case, but are generally programmed to do the bidding of their master. Commands can be ordered by either direct or indirect means.
Directly commanded victims will hang on the every word of their master and do as they are told in the most literal fashion. They generally have no personality and may vocalize their commands over and over (i.e. “Kill the tyrants! Death to the pigs! Drink Pepsi!”)
Indirectly commanded victims will generally function like anyone else, unaware that anything is different, but will be “triggered” by an event, whether it be a sound, a person, an object, or time/date. They are nearly impossible to identify and can lie dormant for years.
Since brainwashed victims are still living the handling of a brainwashed zombie is very shaky territory and the laws vary from state to state. The most famous of cases being Wanderer V. Sipple where an independent zombie hunter foiled the attempted assassination of Gerald Ford by three year baby Jessica Sipple. The grand jury acquitted Mr. Wanderer of the murder of baby Jessica but also ordered him to never operate a motorized machete again.
Brainwashed zombies are best dealt with by non-lethal means to avoid tricky legal suits. The big net technique has been a long standing favorite amongst Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squad. Another option is to punch a brainwashed zombie in the face in hopes that they snap out of it. In a pinch you can generally divert the brainwashee with stronger medicine. Any TV with the ability to play VH1 will reduce the victim to a pop culture consuming, nostalgia crazed, reality show obsessed, moron within seconds. Prolonged exposure will however cause irreversible damage.
Once a brainwashed zombie has been captured it is recommended that they attend our weekly deprogramming sessions for only $19.99 per class plus a dish to contribute to the group’s potluck.