HASHIM “Destroyer of Evil” HASSANZADEH
BORN: Sep 8th 1982
HEIGHT: 6’ 1.5”
WEIGHT: 160 lbs
HOMETOWN: Blue Springs, VT
HIRED: 3/3/2010
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Ancient Ancestor Sword
SKILLS: Punctuality, professionalism, proofreading
HOBBIES: Cycling, cross-country skiing, racquetball, community theater, blogging,

Hi. I’m Hashim and although my official title is General Office Manager, I’ve been put in charge of doing a lot of web-design and site maintenance, along with writing a lot of content, accountancy, doing the company taxes, supervising meetings, answering the phones, fixing the printer, and a lot of other miscellaneous jobs too, almost all of which should really be done by other people, especially given that I’m only paid $12.00. I graduated from Dartmouth, for God’s sake. If the economy hadn’t gone South, I’d be in L.A. by now, but I have to manage my student loan debt and I got evicted from my apartment after my stupid roommates started a fire.
So, yeah. That’s why I’m here. I probably shouldn’t be writing all this, but what the hell.  I don’t think that many of the other employees actually read the stuff on this site. I’m not even sure that some of them can read.
I originally come from Lyme, New Hampshire, and I majored in Business, with a minor in Theatre. Obviously, I’m currently working at Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squad, which (along with Blockbuster Video) was practically the only place within a sixty mile radius that actually seemed to be hiring. I really don’t like it here. Literally everyone I work with is insane. Some psych student could write their thesis on this place.  There’s one klepto guy who just got out of prison a while ago and keeps stealing my bagels. I’ve caught him red-handed a few times and reported to him my boss, Frank, and he’s like “That’s just his way.” WTF? That’s not as bad though, as the other guy with the stupid jacket who is the biggest liar I’ve ever met. He said he was in Africa for a while “wandering the desert” and then was lost at sea. Then there’s the one with the gross beard who always drinks Cokes in styrofoam cups, and then he says it wrong and the others laugh. Don’t ask. I’m not even going to get into the drunk guy with the helmet. I’m checking Craig’s List religiously to try and find something better.
What else? Well, for all the ladies out there, I’m getting back into the dating scene. I’m not looking for anything too serious, just because my last relationship had Way. Too.  Much. Drama. It got to a point where it was downright claustrophobic, so finally I was like “I’m leaving and I’m not coming back until you’re sane” and the last I heard was that she was living in New Mexico as a Tarot card reader (which is so damn typical). So, I’m back on the market. I’m a pretty laid back guy. Blue Springs doesn’t have a gym, but I like to stay in shape. My favorite bands are (in order) Radiohead, Cold Play, and Oasis.  In my free time, I’m working on my bike. The assholes at work like to laugh, but they can keep their Subarus, I’m saving the environment!
Now, my ideal woman is someone who is confident, tall, rich, and loves cross-country skiing. If this sounds like you, then send me an e-mail and maybe we can grab a drink at Murray’s later.
I need to get going. The smoke alarm is going off again.