BAXTER BLACK

BORN: July 9th 1975
HEIGHT: 5’ 12’’
WEIGHT: 190lbs
HOMETOWN: Grand Rapids, Michigan
HIRED: 7/9/1994
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Shovel, Satellite dish and pronged arm, “The Natural Way”
SKILLS: Vast cinema knowledge, good looks, hitting things
HOBBIES: Watching movies, looking good, hitting things

Ex-Vet, Ex-Cop, Ex-Con. Accused for a crime he didn’t commit Baxter Black was sent on a suicide mission to topple the Soviet war machine. Six months later on Christmas day 1991 Baxter Black toppled the Soviet war machine, because Baxter Black loves Christmas and hates communism. Proving once and for all that sometimes the wrong man is the right man for the job.

Having fought in the gulf war, serving on the force, being wrongly accused of the murder of Penelope Eastridge and her two children (Cecil and Morris), and single handedly taking down a world super power, all by the age of sixteen, Baxter Black decided it was about time he get himself some education. He’d always had an aversion to education, in the classical sense, ever since his mother (Busty Black) was killed by a high school. So he sat himself down

on a comfy couch, warmed up the VCR, and began his odd three year sojourn into the depth of film history. After finishing “Zombie

Rampage” on February 12th 1994 Baxter Black took a step outside. Having watched “Tora Tora Tora!” he was properly able to identify the state he’d been residing in for the past three years as Hawaii. Having also watched the entire “Rocky” series, to date, he was also properly able to identify that he had become a 98 pound weakling.

Armed with his eclectic mix of pop culture trivia and tactical training, Baxter Black unleashed himself on the world like a whirling dervish, or maybe something more like a wet paper airplane. Setting it upon himself to try every nacho in Maui and then talk about it inanely at parties Baxter Black didn’t know what he was in for. After two months he had successfully tried every nacho in the great epicenter, but had been unable to attend a single party due to his offensive body odor and total lack of social etiquette. That is until he met Billy Flyboy Tier. The movie “Hitch” with Will Smith wouldn’t be made for another decade, but if it had been in Baxter Black’s mental library of movies it would certainly have been the way he would describe his relationship with Billy (Billy being Will Smith and Baxter black being that fat guy who gets what he wants in the end). In no time at all he was the talk of the town and everyone knew where to get the best nachos.

Being known for his good decisions and noticing that his birthday was on a Thursday this year Baxter Black decided it would be a great idea to start drinking on Monday drink through his birthday and then inevitably keep drinking through the weekend because it was Hawaii, it was the summer, and hell, it was the nineties. Sometime the next week he woke up in New England now a full fledged employee of Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squad, his head was throbbing from tequila shots, and Billy “Flyboy” Tier was dead, slain at the hands of what would become his mortal enemy “The Daimen of Death”.

Years later Baxter Black has become a man’s man’s man once again, having really come into his own after his run in with “The Army of Five Fingers”. To this day he hunts down The Daimen of Death as the Daimen does track him in a tireless game of cat and mouse. The true form and motives of the Daimen remain a mystery, that Baxter Black keeps under his hat, only occasionally leaking a scant page or two from his journal entitled “Baxter Black Says”.