All Your Us Are Belong To Mitt
The elections of 2008 are still more than a year away, but the race for the presidency is already in full swing. Scores of candidates are already traveling the nation, delivering stump speeches, shaking hands, and making blatant appeals to the rich and powerful for enormous campaign contributions. And yet, in the middle of the feverish display of Athenian-style democracy, something sinister is at work, something malicious and ugly, kept hidden underneath a shadowy shroud of conspiracy…. And that something is Mitt Romney.
As we all know, Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney is dead, burned to a crisp by rampaging zombie dinosaurs during the recent ZOMBIEAPOCALYPSE. (Curiously the death of Romney and the destruction of most of Boston was never picked up by the associated press or any of the major television new networks. Presumably this was due to the twenty-four hour coverage of the release of Crank, the pulse-pounding, high-octane, thrill ride staring Jason Statham as a man with a death wish and Amy Smart as his sexy girlfriend.) And yet, in spite of Romney’s demise, a Romney look-alike surfaced months later and announced a run for the presidency, advocating a reduction of the trade deficit, private health insurance coverage, and “unlimited power for my dark masters.”
While it’s too early to be certain of the details behind Romney’s return, we at JREZHS speculate that this “Mitt Romney” is none other than a genetically engineered, pre-programmed, forced-growth clone, complete with cybernetic modifications for enhanced strength and speed. Or possibly just a body double. We don’t know. In any case, what makes this situation even more suspicious is the fact that Romney’s primary contributor appears to be none other than the Mantron Corporation – responsible for donations in excess of 100 billion dollars.
The Mantron Corporation is definitely up to something, but what their plan might be and how it is connected to similarity between Yodels and HoHos is uncertain. But never fear! We at JREZHS vow to remains as alert and as vigilant as ever! Y’know…When we’re not working on our Hollywood movie adaptation or anything….
