Mitt Me With Your Best Shot
Details are still sketchy, but at a small press conference held in Concord, New Hampshire on Monday, July 23rd, presidential candidate Mitt Romney revealed plans for a new branch of The Department of Homeland Security. Grinning widely and speaking to a crowd of onlookers, Romney proclaimed that, if elected, his “special defense system” would ensure complete polic
e protection from foreign and domestic terrorists. The branch would oversee the development and training of special combat troops through a procedure known only as “The Lazarus Process,” who would be positioned in each of the fifty states, and placed on a constant twenty-four hour alert. Romney maintained that his new branch would be the ultimate defense against “assassins, criminals, anarchists, and dangerous individualists,” and emphasized his point by crushing the life out of a baby sparrow. Romney spent the remainder of the press conference advocating a return to family-based values.
We also found this new campaign video those Mitt Romney folks have put out. We don't really get it though. It's a little artsy. Maybe it's his perfect hair cut or maybe it's the lamprey jutting from his forehead, but something just doesn't sit well with this one.We at JREZHS aren’t sure where this new development will lead us - but you know? We’ve got more important things to think about. Like our new MOVIE DEAL! Yeah! Soon the money will be comin’ in like waves on a shore! Let somebody else worry about the zombies and everything, because we’re going too busy making MONEY! Yeah!
