JREZHS and Hollywood: the World’s Finest Team
JREZHS Reveals New Tireless Promoter!
JREZHS Escapes the Clutches of Paris!
JREZHS Continues to Be Awesome!
While not a hunter of zombies, Jonathan “Cash” Hollywood Jr. is instead Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squadron’s self-described tireless promoter. Recognizing that a key aspect of operating a business is adopting a dynamic policy towards marketing and spin-offs, JREZHS has in the past made various forays into the media world in attempts to bring even greater fame and acclaim to our prestigious organization. However, only a few of these attempts have met with commercial success. The Rock and Rage compilation album of songs to kill zombies by is still in the works, and Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squadron: the Movie lost steam some years after Hank Thrasher’s untimely demise.
Enter Cash Hollywood Jr., professional agent and studio relations manager. You may have heard of the assorted film productions Hollywood has been involved with including the Viking Cop franchise, Blacula vs. Mecha-Blacula and the thriller Rasta Assassin. He also had a hand in distributing Chinese Cyborg 2: More Power Hyper! from Hong Cong. In addition to these accomplishments, Hollywood has also had some experience in the music industry, introducing the Norwegian death-metal band Vidar Gof to American listeners along with an accordion-driven pop trio, James K. Polka.
While surfing the net to search for “the next big craze,” Hollywood was taken by the momentousness of Jimrage.Com and vowed that he would tirelessly promote the esteemed zombie hunting company. Racing out of his office to the Los Angeles International Airport and Bar, Hollywood bought a one-way ticket to Vermont and arrived within record time. Finding only a building lot belonging to “Upper Valley Lanes, Games, Guns, and Peace” which was a sort of consumerist dream that covered all it’s bases. After trying out the bowling alley, shooting range, yoga/meditation studio, and the indoor surfing machine Cash found the owners. The trio of somewhat deformed owners turned out to be ex-employees Maxximmortal, Max Powers, and Smokey Belicose, but they refrained from answering any questions about Jim Rage’s Elite Zombie Hunting Squad. The trip wasn’t a total loss however because Cash did manage to hit the jackpot on “The Hurricane” and with the resulting tickets bought the life sized sky diving army soldier. After actually reading some of the content on the website Hollywood discovered that the remaining employees of JREZHS were trapped in Paris. He also completed both the quizzes in the training section and noticed that a lot of the question contradicted other information on the site and that they should probably updated. Immediately afterwards he chartered a Piper Cub airplane to fly across the mighty Atlantic to the City of Love.
Early yesterday morning, the hunters of zombies were abruptly awakened from their slumber by the boundless energy of Hollywood. We were immediately sold by his smooth salesmanship and impressive charts and graphs. We caught the next bullet train to Berlin to take a European vacation and celibrate the deal. Along the way to Germany The Mad Hatter spotted some farmers plowing their field with our jet, but within seconds they were hundreds of miles away. After a few drinks, and more throbbing base beats then you could shake a schnitzel at, it was back to the airport. Cramming everyone inside the confines of the Piper, the long journey was made back to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Once again JREZHS has returned to Blue Springs to kick zombie ass, American style.
While Hollywood has as not yet been able to connect us with Sam Chapin, who’s busy right now working on Overdog: Legend of the Seven Warriors, and Ron Howard won’t return Hollywood’s emails, but Cash assures us that he has “countless high-profile studio heads currently lined up.” We at JREZHS are highly enthusiastic about our new agent and consider him worth every penny of his $70,000 “initializing fee.” Things are looking good. We’re back in America and back in business, as well as back in black as we have returned from France with a collection of fashionable ebony turtlenecks. Here’s to you, Hollywood! God speed you merchandizing emperor!
