12/23/2k5 - Taste the Epic
11/3/2k10 - Judgment Day 10/31/10 - Crappy Halloween
10/29/10- Texas or Bust

10//25/10 -
New Doomiforms

7/4/10 -Appetite 4 Corruption
6/15/2k10 - Out of the Red
2K8 Year In Review
1/1/2k8 - Sorry
2K7 Year In Review
6/15/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 -
Mittster Nice Guy
7/10/2k7 -
6/28/2k7 -
All Your Mitt
6/18/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 - Business Report
4/14/2k7 - Back in the USSA
4/11/2k7 - Federico's
4/10/2k7 - Wild Wild Winfrey
3/14/2k7 - Meet Bruno
2/11/2k7 - Conspiracy

1/7/2k7 - Sacrebleu
2K6 Year In Review
ZA pt12 - To Hell With It
ZA pt11 - The Gameplan
ZA pt10 - Vacation
ZA pt.9 - 1,000,000,000 Served
ZA pt.8 - Really Bad Stuff
ZA pt.7 -Washington
ZA pt.6 - Call of the Mild
ZA pt.5 - Thanosaurus & the Infinity Gauntlet
ZA pt.4 - Mitter of Life & Death
ZA pt.3 - Threes' Company
ZA pt.2 - Bad Stuff
6/6/06 - Lawn Burnt
1/30/2k6– Rie Dyes
1/23/2k6 - Rye Looks for
1/7/2k6-Tales from the Inside pt.2
1/5/2K6 - Cooking up a

2K5 Year In Review
12/25/2k5 - Tales from the Inside
12/11/2k5 - Frank Gritt's Day Off
8/19/2k5 - Un"Baron"able
5/18/2k5 - Justin and the Amazing Techni-colored

5/4/2k5 - Where the deer and the antelop work
3/15/2k5: The Mexican Assignment - Part III
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part II
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part I
2K4 Year In Review
10/31/2k4 - Tyrannosaurus Mex
10/12/2k4 - Alas, Thompson
7/14/2k4 - DesperOttawo
6/16/2k4 - Heroic Boston Globe




































Really Bad Stuff Happen

Back in Boston, Justin Famous gripped the steering wheel of Jason Cage’s 1986 Ford E-250 van and negotiated the final tight corner to Allen’s Affordable Autos and Junkyard, the spot pre-selected by Jesus McMahon where the zombies would be slain en masse. It had been a thrilling car chase, with The Mad Hatter throwing meat out of the speeding automobile to the howling horde of zombies. Eventually they discovered the trio of grotesque reanimated saurian corpses, just finished destroying Emmanuel College, although Chico did spot one lone survivor who they swore was one of their old friends from highschool named Jesse Maneago who was defending himself with a fire hose. Soon the thunder lizards were also racing behind the van. Ben carried a large chainsaw and dealt with those that got uncomfortably close. Jason Cage had his eyes closed and wouldn’t stop complaining. Drew rode shotgun because The Mad Hatter called it, but forgot to say the all important “no blitz”.
Allen (owner and founder of Allen’s Affordable Autos and Junkyard) was inside his log cabin eating peaches from a can with his Swiss Army knife and ordering a used Mazda online for parts. Hearing the blaring horn of a frantic Justin Famous, Allen opened the gates by pushing the red button and the hunters raced in. Within moments another car arrived, a distinct green Subaru Outback Legacy, and screamed into the junkyard.
“How much time do we have to prepare before the onslaught?” asked Peter Fury, opening the Subaru’s hatch to pull out his Duffle-Bag O’ Weapons.
“I’d say ten minutes,” said The Mad Hatter. “Incidentally Allen, thanks a bunch for letting us use your junkyard like this.” Allen shrugged and took a sip of the peach syrup.
And so they waited.
Minutes later, they were still waiting.
“Boy…where’s the Jesus?” asked Ben.
“He oughta’ be here any second.” said Drew.
And so they waited for a few more moments.
“Well,” said Allen. “I gotta’ get back to the office to practice trombone. Recital tonight.”
“Sure,” said The Mad Hatter. “Thanks again.”
More minutes were slain. It was quiet.
Too quiet.
The silence was torn to ribbons by a cheery little ditty emanating from one of The Mad Hatter’s several pockets.
“Hey it’s my hip cell! I wonder who could be calling me?” said the Hatter. Raising the phone his ear, The Mad Hatter’s face (normally full of zest and sunshine) darkened.
The Mad Hatter sat down dejectedly, slipping the cell-phone back into its protective sock.
“So who called?” asked Drew.
“That was Jesus. He said that he was feeling kind’ve worn out after all the walking he did today and decided to go to sleep rather than pick up the napalm.”
“That’s very unkeen.” said Ben, kicking a rock.
“Yeah. I have no idea what we’re going to do now.”
“Oh well. He is the world’s oldest man. I mean, he’s liable to get tired sometimes at his age.” said Ben, demeanor rapidly changing as Rye defeated him in an internal arms race.
Carvin’ Kervin stroked his chin methodically lit his corn-cob pipe. “Do not despair friends. I alone dispatched the original Thanosaur after only a few days of extremely graphic violence. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as they seem.”  
Kervin’s optimism was interrupted by the moaning of the demonic dead. The group looked over to the gates in dismay as the three hulking zombie dinosaurs lumbered towards them, flanked on either side by countless zombies.
“Hell and damnation!” said The Mad Hatter, hurling his famed top hat to the ground in frustration. “Dinosaurs are supposed to be slow! They’re cold blooded!”
“I think they were warm-blooded.” said Drew, raising his finger to emphasize the point.
“No, all reptiles are cold-blooded.” responded Peter Fury, staring at the oncoming mass of zombified flesh.
“Yeah but these are dinosaurs.” countered Drew.
“So?” asked The Mad Hatter. “They’re reptiles.”
“Well yes they are, but dinosaurs are warm blooded reptiles.” replied Drew.
The Mad Hatter scoffed and picked up his hat.  “Maybe in Jurassic Park, but not in real life.” he asserted.
“Drew’s right.” interjected Carvin’ Kervin. “I remember this. Dinosaurs were warm-blooded.”
“Aha!” exclaimed Drew triumphantly.
“Why do you have to side with him?!” demanded The Mad Hatter. Meanwhile Ben’s eyes twitched spastically.
“Well I don’t know about that,” said Ben.  “I think Chico might be right. They’re zombies after all. Aren’t all undead cold-blooded in a way?” Ben started to shake.
“No. That’s just wrong.” Said Ben, frowning. “They’re warm-blooded creatures that have died and now have a low body temperature. Death doesn’t make you cold-blooded.” Ben started to claw at his own face.
Everyone looked at their feet. Nobody said anything for a while, as the zombies drew every closer. Drew was the first speak up.
“Listen everyone: it’s time to be an android,” he said through gritted teeth, “Not a man.”
“That’s a peculiar expression, Drew.” said Ben, trying not to think of adorable kittens and gem-sweaters.
“It’s an old Apache saying.” said Drew, while cocking his shotgun. No one was sure why he did this, because he didn’t need to reload and the shells just fell out onto the ground. But it looked badass. “It means: ‘let’s kill many zombies in a violent fashion.’”
The zombie brontosaurus belched flame from its maggot-ridden jaws and blew up the GMC van.

This would be tough.