12/23/2k5 - Taste the Epic
11/3/2k10 - Judgment Day 10/31/10 - Crappy Halloween
10/29/10- Texas or Bust

10//25/10 -
New Doomiforms

7/4/10 -Appetite 4 Corruption
6/15/2k10 - Out of the Red
2K8 Year In Review
1/1/2k8 - Sorry
2K7 Year In Review
6/15/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 -
Mittster Nice Guy
7/10/2k7 -
6/28/2k7 -
All Your Mitt
6/18/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 - Business Report
4/14/2k7 - Back in the USSA
4/11/2k7 - Federico's
4/10/2k7 - Wild Wild Winfrey
3/14/2k7 - Meet Bruno
2/11/2k7 - Conspiracy

1/7/2k7 - Sacrebleu
2K6 Year In Review
ZA pt12 - To Hell With It
ZA pt11 - The Gameplan
ZA pt10 - Vacation
ZA pt.9 - 1,000,000,000 Served
ZA pt.8 - Really Bad Stuff
ZA pt.7 -Washington
ZA pt.6 - Call of the Mild
ZA pt.5 - Thanosaurus & the Infinity Gauntlet
ZA pt.4 - Mitter of Life & Death
ZA pt.3 - Threes' Company
ZA pt.2 - Bad Stuff
6/6/06 - Lawn Burnt
1/30/2k6– Rie Dyes
1/23/2k6 - Rye Looks for
1/7/2k6-Tales from the Inside pt.2
1/5/2K6 - Cooking up a

2K5 Year In Review
12/25/2k5 - Tales from the Inside
12/11/2k5 - Frank Gritt's Day Off
8/19/2k5 - Un"Baron"able
5/18/2k5 - Justin and the Amazing Techni-colored

5/4/2k5 - Where the deer and the antelop work
3/15/2k5: The Mexican Assignment - Part III
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part II
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part I
2K4 Year In Review
10/31/2k4 - Tyrannosaurus Mex
10/12/2k4 - Alas, Thompson
7/14/2k4 - DesperOttawo
6/16/2k4 - Heroic Boston Globe





































On the night of Friday, the 9th of June, violent tragedy struck JREZHS. That evening was the 2nd Annual Elite Company Cookout, held in the green in back of JREZHS HQ. Jim Rage himself presided over the occasion, along with several Elite Zombie Hunters and all one hundred and fourteen Toad-Eating Yes Men. The Yes Men had finally completed their training and at the conclusion of the evening’s ceremonies were to be promoted to the rank of Incredible Infantry. There were hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, chips and salsa, and orange soda. There was also live music provided by KISS. The atmosphere at the cookout was relaxed and jubilant and everyone was having a great time.
No one anticipated the mind bending, gruesome horror that was to follow.
At approximately 5:15 PM KISS was wrapping up with a stunning rendition of Black Diamond and Jim Rage approached the podium to begin the ceremonies. He announced that for the first time in nineteen years JREZHS had turned a profit during the 2005 fiscal period, finally allowing for the purchase of new armored motorcycles and dynamite. Furthermore, with the graduation of the Yes Men it was looking like JREZHS would have an amazing new team of professionals to combat the zombie menace. If one were to overlook the message from Hell that appeared out in the lawn a few days ago, Jim Rage continued, things were looking pretty good. He then finished his speech and began handing out diplomas. Peter Fury was starting to fire up the grills when he realized SOMEONE had forgotten to buy condiments, and Elite Zombie Hunters Ben “Bloodscorn” Parazynski, Drew “The Tough Noun” Parazynski and The Mad Hatter were dispatched to Mr. Hooper's Country Store to pick up some mustard and catsup.

Drew Parazynski remembers the day fondly:

"When we returned ten minutes later, JREZHS HQ was a smoldering ruin, with nothing but tiny piles of charred, shattered ruble remaining and a giant burning chasm in the ground where the building once stood.
Stunned and horrified, we searched around for survivors, finding Smokey Bellicose drunk underneath one of the benches. Unfortunately he was asleep and had missed the whole thing. So we beat him up, and encountered innocent bystander Clem Stuart, who was riding by in his 1982 GMC van and saw the whole thing.
According to Clem, Jim was handing out diplomas when suddenly and without warning, Toad-Eating Yes Man Simon Nazi ran up to the stage, foaming at the mouth and screaming like a wild animal. Before anyone had time to react, Simon Nazi withdrew a metal dagger and began stabbing himself wildly in the chest over and over, screaming things like “This is the hour of the Church of Death!!” and “Let loose the fires of HELL!” (In retrospect, we should have been more suspicious of a guy with a last name like Nazi. Fate is a fickle mistress…)
Nazi collapsed to the floor, his bodily fluids rushing forth onto the ground. By now, Elite Zombie Hunters were rushing to the stage, but they were too late to prevent the blood sacrifice. The ground began to shake violently and suddenly the earth cracked open wide into a burning chasm. With hideous screams, hundreds of undead warriors from Hell leapt forth from the pit and began attacking the living. Within seconds, Gene Simmons, Ace Frehley, Paul Stanley, and Peter Cris had been torn to shreds – ending the musical career of KISS forever. The death-howls of Gene Simmons still ringing in their ears, the zombie hunters fought back with plastic knives and forks but they were badly outnumbered. Zachary "Carvin" Kervin, Alice Thompson, and Dirk Razor were seen briefly trying their best to fight back the hoard but were lost in the action. Meanwhile Jim Rage and Frank Gritt ran to HQ in hopes of bringing out the Jim Rage Emergency Rocket Launcher, when a tremendous explosion of green flame erupted from the building. The entire building detonated into a massive inferno; a wave of green flame which annihilated everything in its path.The entire assembly of Toad Eating Yes-Men was incinerated before you could say: "But wait, that's not fair.".
It was at this moment, as the earth shook and zombie warriors closed in at all sides, that Jim Rage shook his fist at the heavens and tore off his mirrored aviators sunglasses, shouting: “BY THE RAGE OF MY ANCESTORS, YOU WILL BE AVENGED!” Then he and Frank rushed into the fray, just as another massive explosion of flame washed over the parking lot. At that time Clem had to drop his little girl off at preschool and missed the rest of the action.
The zombies were gone, but so were Jim Rage and Frank Gritt. We found Jim’s trademarked Katakana buried in the skull of a zombie and Frank’s trucker hat torn to shreds inside one of the salsa bowls. Aside from Smokey, there were no other survivors. In a sad bit of irony, the same wave of flame that killed dozens of innocent Yes-Men also cooked the hot-dogs and hamburgers to perfection. We ate them, somberly.
The June 16th Massacre was obviously caused by the Church of Death, the same cult that was responsible for the death of Elite Zombie Hunter Rye “It’s-Not-Nice-to-Swear” Crofter. The destruction of HQ means the end of JREZHS as a formal business, in addition to termination of our regular paychecks and health coverage. Furthermore, it means the end of regular communications with other Elite Zombie Hunters, our associates in the field, and our surviving Incredible Infantry. Our computers were destroyed in the fire, so all the website updates we were planning were destroyed too. In fact, the only reason we were only able to put this news item online is because we’ve been using the computer at the Blue Springs Village Library – then we had software issues, then we had to get the passwords and IP addresses again, and it’s a manner of time before they call the police and force us to leave. The only things of value to survive the explosion were a few tools/weapons, one of the couch cushions, a crate of Barry Manilow records, ye olde severed head, and Hanz Irontheigh's highly embarrassing high school diary, our Bullet-Man replica suit, and the greater half of Sandy, Jono "I cry at night" Thomas's pet turtle.
As of this moment the ranks of JREZHS are only the three of us – The Notorious Parazynski's (no relation) and the Mad Hatter (no relation) – leaderless and pursued by the Church of Death. All attempts at finding reinforcements have failed.
-Smokey Bellicose left and said he knew a place where he could "crash for a while."
-Baxter Black is missing in action, presumed captured, dead, or a little of both.
-Maximmortal was burned head to toe with hell fire and has been transferred to the intensive care unit in his home town in New Hampshire.
-Jim Steele, (If he ever existed - legally we aren’t allowed to divulge that information.) is dead.
-Brock Ironside, Mary the Mistress of Madness, Zachariah “Carvin’” Kervin, Thorn Hammerfall, Jono “It Was Hard to Control Myself” Thomas, Jason Cage, Just-In-Credible, Steve "Wild West" Winfrey, Dirk Razor, Peter Fury,Alice Thompson, Maxximortal, t, and probably some others we forgot haven’t returned our calls. They could be dead, or they could be jerks.
-Hanz Irontheighs is busy hunting baby seals in Alaska.
For the moment, we’re lying low with the Woods People, trying to deal with the hordes of zombies unleashed from the Necroverse by the Church of Death. We’re outnumbered, outgunned, and overpowered. But we’re still fighting - fighting to prevent the ZOMBIEAPOCALYPSE from becoming reality! Fighting to save life itself! Fighting for you and your American family!

(Feel free to send us money to help us out.)















Then Ben rode a motorcycle and got an eyepatch