12/23/2k5 - Taste the Epic
11/3/2k10 - Judgment Day 10/31/10 - Crappy Halloween
10/29/10- Texas or Bust

10//25/10 -
New Doomiforms

7/4/10 -Appetite 4 Corruption
6/15/2k10 - Out of the Red
2K8 Year In Review
1/1/2k8 - Sorry
2K7 Year In Review
6/15/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 -
Mittster Nice Guy
7/10/2k7 -
6/28/2k7 -
All Your Mitt
6/18/2k7 -
6/15/2k7 - Business Report
4/14/2k7 - Back in the USSA
4/11/2k7 - Federico's
4/10/2k7 - Wild Wild Winfrey
3/14/2k7 - Meet Bruno
2/11/2k7 - Conspiracy

1/7/2k7 - Sacrebleu
2K6 Year In Review
ZA pt12 - To Hell With It
ZA pt11 - The Gameplan
ZA pt10 - Vacation
ZA pt.9 - 1,000,000,000 Served
ZA pt.8 - Really Bad Stuff
ZA pt.7 -Washington
ZA pt.6 - Call of the Mild
ZA pt.5 - Thanosaurus & the Infinity Gauntlet
ZA pt.4 - Mitter of Life & Death
ZA pt.3 - Threes' Company
ZA pt.2 - Bad Stuff
6/6/06 - Lawn Burnt
1/30/2k6– Rie Dyes
1/23/2k6 - Rye Looks for
1/7/2k6-Tales from the Inside pt.2
1/5/2K6 - Cooking up a

2K5 Year In Review
12/25/2k5 - Tales from the Inside
12/11/2k5 - Frank Gritt's Day Off
8/19/2k5 - Un"Baron"able
5/18/2k5 - Justin and the Amazing Techni-colored

5/4/2k5 - Where the deer and the antelop work
3/15/2k5: The Mexican Assignment - Part III
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part II
3/15/2k5 - The Mexican
Assignment - Part I
2K4 Year In Review
10/31/2k4 - Tyrannosaurus Mex
10/12/2k4 - Alas, Thompson
7/14/2k4 - DesperOttawo
6/16/2k4 - Heroic Boston Globe





































3/15/2k5: The Mexican Assignment - Part I

Three months ago elite zombie hunters Alice Thompson and Zachary Carvin’ Kervin went way down to Mexico and vanished. We tried calling Zach on his cellphone, but he never turns it on and never checks his messages. Actually he more commonly uses it as a weapon then a mode of communication. All the while we’ve been getting postcards from our arch nemesis, Mr. Nighttime, who says he’s been having a great time in Mexico and wishes we were all there so he could burry us. He also always includes a chess move, which we guess is like some sort of thing he and Jim Rage have going. We would’ve sent somebody to deal with it earlier, but we were all pretty busy watching VH1 classics so that we could get into the “I listen to this ironically” dialog that’s all the rage at parties these days.
Drew Parazinski was selected for his street smarts and his ability to think on his feet, unlike Dirk Razor who does most of thinking while doing a handstand and lamenting that he should’ve joined the circus when he had the chance. Drew was also picked because he’s been taking Spanish classes at Thetford Academy Community College so that we can relate better to the Hispanic population in Blue Springs that’s projected to increase 100% by next year. We’d also like to take this time to congratulate Maria and Pablo Fuentez who just found out they’re going to have twins. If you don’t get that very nice gift basket we bought you, it probably just got lost in the mail.
            While enroute to Mexico Drew was sipping his luke warm Fresca™ while totally hating the in flight movie, “Legal Eagles”, when suddenly the lights went dead. Bullets ricocheted throughout the cabin. The pressure dropped and the oxygen masks were deployed. Drew peered out his window and saw to his disbelief a biplane toting a banner that read “Save up to 50% at”.
           “Great!” Growled Drew with a clenched fist. It was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic, but given the situation... Another round of bullets punctured their way through the walls of the airplane. Drew made his way to the closest door (being a smart flyer and knowing the location of the closest door). Earlier in the flight, while a wailing child had been kicking the back of his seat Drew had wished everyone on this flight would “Just die”. Drew wished for a million dollars, a nice car, and a beach house, but when he opened his eyes all that happened was some guy puked blood onto his shoes and it was gross. That’s when Drew put on his angry face. Grabbing a gracious helping of napkins, a fire extinguisher, and a ball point pen he managed to craft a crude dart gun. Kicking open the door Drew waited for the advertising baron of the skies to come around again. Taking careful aim Drew shot for the gas tank. A black plume of oil spewed forth like the blood of a sperm whale and the mysterious man was forced to abandon his ad campaign.
            Drew’s flight made an emergency landing in Northern Mexico. Drew decided he’d spent enough time in the caring hands of United Airlines and thought it best to hitchhike. He caught a ride with a guy named Jeffy who was easily impressed with Drew’s vast knowledge of good humored jokes. Once in Mexico City Drew put his Spanish 1 skills to the test.
            “Donde esta el biblioteca?” Drew asked a bystander. After receiving a bunch of completely incomprehensible directions to the library Drew decided to take a different route. Locating the most shady looking character he could find Drew announced in a hushed tone “Me gusto mucho volleyball”. Apparently “volleyball” has a completely different meaning in Mexico because in no time at all Drew was playing some sort of weird game with a tetherball and a net on the beach. “Alright does anyone know English?” Said Drew loudly.
            A goateed man replied.  “Hey, I know English. Are from the US? What are you doing with that tetherball?” Drew explained that he was looking to track down the last known location of the Thanosaurus which had passed through the city a few months back.
            “Oh yeah, that old thing? Sure it’s part of the tour I’m going on in just a little while. You should sign up, they give you a free magnet.” Gleefully answered the goateed man. One magnet and a Hawaiian shirt later Drew was ready for the tour. While waiting he and the goateed man went to the “swim with the dolphins pool” which they both agreed was fun, but a little sad.
            Drew found the guided tour to be a kind of dry, but maybe it was the humidity. The bus driver kept rambling on and on about the mighty empire of Apuch that once ruled this great land, which was now mostly a strip mall. He began to day dream a bit and wondered when they would get to the zombie dinosaur so he hardly noticed when the tour guide announced:
            “…and on your left you’ll see Drew Parazinski get his brains blown out.” Drew turned to find the goateed man pointing a handgun right at his face.
            “Hope you enjoyed the trip.”

Tune in next time for the startling midpoint story of “The Mexican Assignment”.