TALES FROM TEH INSIDE:
THE PERSONAL BATTLE LOG OF ELITE ZOMBIE HUNTER BEN "BLODDSCORN" PARAZYNSKI
I always thought that Blue Springs had a serious infestation when I worked out of HQ, but I've learned after moving to Burlington that I was a wrong. Dead wrong. Supposedly Frank wanted me to ascertain the severity level of the outbreak (but really, I have no idea how I wound up here). When I arrived back in August, Burlington City had been cordoned off. The city was surrounded by a three-foot-thick 
concrete wall. It took me back to my days at Chernobyl. I arrived in a yellow rubber raft from Lake Champlain and stormed the beach. Immediately after burrowing my way underneath the wall with my army-navy surplus shovel, I found that savagery had taken over. The landscape was scattered with the burnt remains of houses, wrecked cars, and piles of partially-devoured bodies. I had no clues as to what had caused the mass reanimation of Burlington's dead, but already civilization was collapsing. My first search took place in the Burlington's sewers. I knew that some bad business had gone on down there in the past, so it seemed likely that this was the source of the outbreak. Although I discovered a neat pen that still wrote, my search was fruitless. I ascended via a manhole in Church Street, only to realize my grievous error. The living dead were everywhere. They stared at me with wide eyes, their teeth gnashing at the air. Many wore ridiculous backwards baseball caps and had polo shirts with upturned collars. They were all terrifyingly similar. Dull moans of aduudddeeea and abbrrooh shattered the silence. With a flick of my wrist, I grabbed my chainsaw and yanked the cord. Then, feeling like a stupid novice, I remembered that I needed to turn the chainsaw on. Within seconds, the masses of bleeding, rotting undead were on top of me. Fortunately, I spied a fine bicycle and liberated it for my own purposes. Supposedly they fine you for using a bicycle on Church Street, but this was serious. I peddled like a madman, steering with one hand and decapitating zombies with the other. Despite the extreme danger, it was actually really keen. Eventually I lost them and took refuge in the Three Tomatoes Restaurant. Questions bubbled through my brain. Where were all the people? Were they evacuated or did something else happen? What caused the outbreak? The battle happened so fast, I couldn't properly identify the zombies. Were they Radioactive? Demonic? Biohazardous? Toxic? Was this outbreak accidental, or was somebody behind this? Some evil cult? Parson Knowles? The Fifth Column? Where could I get a cheap falafel around here? The only thing I had going for me was a hunch, and my hunch was telling me one thing: UVM was the outbreak epicenter.
Merry Christmas
