* Q: Who is Jim Rage?

A: Jim Rage (full name James Gandhi Rage) is our esteemed leader and the managing director of Jim Rage's Elite Zombie Hunting Squad

* Q: What does "keen" mean?

A: Keen is an exclamation that describes something as highly incredible. It can also mean to be eager.

* Q: Where is Blue Springs?

A: In Vermont.

* Q: If I've got a major zombie infestation, what's the quickest way to contact you?

A: Immediately log online and sign our guest book. We check it every five minutes or so. If you do not have a computer with internet access, call our number at 1-802-356-3787.

* Q: What are JREZHS rates?

A: JREZHS rates vary, depending on a few factors (number of zombies, type of zombie, personality of costumer). Generally we charge fifteen dollars per zombie kill, as well as a thirty eight dollar hourly cost. Plus gas. See our services page.

* Q: That seems pretty steep. Can you do any better on the cost?

A: No.

* Q: I'm a former customer of yours and I was outraged at the amount of my property that you destroyed when you slew the zombies. How should I contact you if I want to press law suit?

A: All legal matters should be sent to JREZHS company attorney Indigo Blake. Anyone seeking to engage us in court must first speak with Mr. Blake. We cannot be accountable for any loss of wealth or property incurred by talking to him. He's very good.

* Q: Does Baxter Black have any connection to the frequent VPR commentator and large animal veterinarian of the same name?

A: Yes, they are brothers.

* Q: Why does Thorn Hammerfall look like Mel Gibson in the pictures where he's not wearing the paintball mask?

A: The matter concerning Mel Gibson and Thorn Hammerfall has been classified by an order from Jim Rage and is not up for discussion.

*Q: Who the hairy heck is Thorn Hammerfall?

A: Shutup you!

* Q: If zombie infestations are so frequent, why don't we hear about them?

A: You do, all the time. That is if you're a responsible adult, read, listen to public radio, and engage in conversation with your fellow man.
Anyone uttering the aforementioned question is obviously a shut in and should be shot on principle.

*Q: What "princicple"? What are you guys talking about?

A: Shutup you!

* Q: What's the deal with the EPA?

A: The EPA is a government organization dedicated to the protection of the environment . Somewhere along the way one of it's more devious
branches became a vestibule for experimenting with zombification. We sometimes refer to this branch as "The Fifth Column". The managing director of the fifth column is Mr. Nighttime. We hate him.

* Q: What are the goals of the Fifth Column?

A: The Fifth Column seeks to find the perfect method of creating and controlling zombies to harness their undead power for unknown purposes.

* Q: Did Harry Truman make the right decision in dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

A: Harry Truman dropped the atomic bomb because he felt it would bring about a swift end to WWII. He was correct, but also brought about
murder and mass destruction on a scale that is almost inconceivable. We at JREZHS believe Truman should have waited for Soviet reinforcements.

* Q: If I'm trapped in a farmhouse/abandoned cabin/shopping mall/government research complex/deserted island and I'm surrounded by zombies, what should I do?

A: Whenever you're in a dangerous zombie situation and cannot get professional help, just remember these rules:

1. Get clean drinking water
2. Find other people
3. Stockpile weapons
4. Know your zombies
5. Panic (The adrenaline will help)

* Q: I've got what it takes, I'm a hundred percent, how can I join up?

A: Simply fill out the application on our web-site ) It will be reviewed by Jim Rage, and if he deems you worthy, you will become an official member, and you will begin your Toad-Licking-Yes-Man-Training-Program shortly thereafter.

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