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Art is Stupid

Chico Eastridge

Nick Cheryk

10/15/09

Scene rise: Characters sit in a row facing the audience. David sits between the two girls. Katja on stage left, Cindy on stage right).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(1 minute pause)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cindy:

(Whispering) What are they doing? (David shrugs. Pause) What are they doing?

 

David:

I dunno.

 

Katja:

Shh! (Pause)

 

Cindy:

They’re not doing anything.

 

Katja:

They’re not supposed to be. (Cindy fumbles for her program)

 

Cindy:

Do you have a program?

 

David:

Yeah, um, oh did I give you the program?

 

Katja:

Here. (Cindy searches through the program)

 

Cindy:

No, this is supposed to be a play.

 

Katja:

It is! Don’t you get it?

 

David:

Wait he just... (They all gaze intently out at the audience.) Oh, no, he was just scratching his head. (David scratches his head.)

 

Cindy:

This is stupid.

 

David:

It’s art or something.

 

Cindy:

Art is stupid.

 

Katja:

It’s esoteric.

 

Cindy:

It’s nothing.

 

Katja:

That’s the whole point.

 

Cindy:

You’re friend’s a barrel of laughs isn’t she? Come on David let’s go catch a movie.

 

David:

I don’t want to miss this.

 

Cindy:

Miss what? They’re not doing anything. Hello! Hi there! Nothing.

 

David:

Stop making a scene.

 

Cindy:

Sombody has to. God knows their not.

 

David:

I want to see if something happens.

 

Cindy:

No, that’d ruin it.

 

Katja:

Shh! (David doesn’t respond to Cindy. Cindy sits down in a huff. Pause).

 

Katja:

This is very dynamic. (Pause)

 

David:

I like it.

 

Katja:

What do you like about it?

 

David:

Oooh, hmm. Um, I like. I like that it’s not what I thought it would be.

 

Cindy:

I’ve got the entertainment section here, let’s see what’s playing.

 

Katja :

You carry that in your pocket?

 

Cindy:

Shh! It was trash. I picked it up. It could blow into the ocean and get stuck in the blowhole of an Orca whale.

 

Katja ;

No.

 

Cindy:

At least I care.

 

Katja :

Thank God I don’t.

 

David:

Guys I’m trying to watch this. (He puts his arms around both girls).

 

Cindy:

Katja  can tell you all bout it tomorrow at work.

 

Katja :

Or David could tell you all about it tomorrow.

 

Cindy:

No. (Cindy starts to squint and look over at Katja ) You know, it’s dark in here, so correct me if I’m wrong, but do you have you’re arm around Katja ’s shoulder?

 

Katja :

What’s it to you? (She snuggles up to David a bit more).

 

Cindy:

What do you mean, what’s it to me? He’s more boyfriend.

 

Katja :

What! What! You told me you just worked with her.

 

Cindy:

What? You told me you just worked with her.

 

Katja :

We do work together.

 

Cindy:

I am not a job!

 

Katja :

With special needs kids.

 

Cindy:

I do work with special needs kids.

 

Katja :

(In admiration) Ohhh.

 

Cindy:

(To David) But you don’t!

 

Katja :

(In disappointment) Oh. (Cindy leaves in a huff.) What was that?

 

David:

I’m available.

 

Katja :

You’re girlfriend just dumped you.

 

David:

She dumped me for you.

 

Katja :

You never even told me you had a girlfriend.

 

David:

 I’m like a secret agent.

 

Katja :

You’re a moron.

 

David:

Moron like a fox.

 

Katja :

No, moron like an idiot.

 

David:

So what, you’re like not into me anymore?

 

Katja :

I just don’t even… (She just stares at him in disbelief).

 

David:

What? What? Come on don’t do this. Kat! Kat! Dammit. (Cindy reenters holding a cup of water). Hey Cindy look, I’ve been a big meathead… (Cindy splashes David with water) Sure, I make one little mistake (Cindy has been banging her shoe on the ground and collecting the dirt that comes off of it). One itsy bitsy miscalculation. And I mean who would in these hard times right? Scampering about in our busy little lives, scared of what will come of us and waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Cindy throws her shoe dirt in his face. She holds her ground, furious) Just like that? Poof! (She doesn’t say anything). Oh come on. (He looks at Katja . He looks at Cindy. He watches the crowd for a bit). Now this, this I don’t like.

 

Katja :

(To crowd) Don’t just sit there, say something!

 

David:

I kind’ve like it how it is.

 

Katja :

I wish you’d shut up.

 

Cindy:

I thought you said it was dynamic.

 

Katja :

No, that’s just meaningless buzzword word they teach you in art school so that you won’t sound like an idiot when you tell people you’re majoring in modern dance with strengths in ceramics.

 

Cindy:

Well I may not sound smart, but I know this is stupid.

 

David:

What? I think it’s pretty good.

 

Cindy:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! They’re not doing anything! They’re not saying anything! It’s nothing! NOTHING! You’re nothing to me David. Nothing!

 

David:

Well you see it’s like we’re the ones on stage.

 

Katja :

It’s a little obvious.

 

David:

What’s wrong with the obvious? The other day we were walking along and I saw a flower, remember? And I said “That’s pretty.” and you said “You can’t just say something’s pretty, it’s contrived.”

 

Katja :

It is! And this is too!

 

David:

Who cares!

Katja :

And this is too!

 

David:

At least it’s, it’s, fresh.

 

Katja :

Don’t you dare use that word with me. Have you ever had to sit through a open forum performance art studio course?

 

Cindy:

Yeah have you?

 

David:

No, I, I don’t even know why you’re saying that to me, but…

 

Katja :

Let me tell you something.

 

Cindy:

Yeah, you tell him.

 

Katja :

Yeah, I am going tell you something. Here’s the formula for all performance art. All of it. No exceptions. Weird set, makes you wonder what’s going on.

 

Cindy:

Check

 

Katja :

Then, approximately ten minutes of silence.

 

Cindy:

Check

 

Katja :

Then usually somebody gets naked. I bet you by the end of this at least of them is going to be stark raving nude.

 

Cindy:

I hate you David!

 

David:

Valid point, good segway. So now that we’re done venting how about we sit and watch this like nothing ever happened.

 

Cindy:

Nothing has happened.

 

David:

And bygones are bygones. Why are you both still here?

 

Cindy:

I’m hoping to kill you via sheer force of will.

 

Katja :

I can’t leave unless you stand up.

 

David:

Why didn’t you just say so?

 

Katja :

I don’t want to be asking any favors from you. (David stands up while Katja  awkwardly wriggles by).

 

­ Cindy:

You we’re suppose to be low maintenance! Ugh. Wanna get some pizza?

 

David:

Sure!

 

Katja:

I’m kind of sick of pizza.

 

Cindy:

Oh right, the pizza place.

 

David:

You working tomorrow?

 

Katja:

Chinese?

 

David:

Well I don’t know about you guys, but I’m staying here. I’m going to stick through it thick and thin and find out how it ends.

 

Cindy:

Chinese makes me sick. How about we just make something?

 

David:

Because isn’t that why we live our lives? So we can find out how it ends, what it’s all about?

 

Katja:

Your place our mine? Ooh wanna rent a movie. Maybe a cartoon a something?

 

David:

Life is art, what’s wrong with the obvious?

 

Cindy:

My place is a mess.

 

Katja:

Oh it couldn’t be any worse then mine.

 

Cindy:

And how about a foreign film? I think I need a little culture in my life.

 

David:

Cindy…

 

Cindy:

David, this is how it ends. It’s not art, it’s life. And you know what? Life is stupid.

 

Katja:

No need to elaborate. Have fun with your naked people. (They exit. David turns and watches the crowd. A good long while passes. The lights begin to fade.)

 

David:

What! That was it?

 

-Curtain-